Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
