Sry I called you an 8
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
