Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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