you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
