Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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