Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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