Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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