At least make sure they are 18
Why
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
