I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
