You're completely useless in the revolution.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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