He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
