please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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