there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize