i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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