Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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