oh god the rape fog is back!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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