At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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