I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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