You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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