Capitaan dildo arrescate!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
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let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
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I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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