i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
