I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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