you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
