giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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