Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
