12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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