i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
