I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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