So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
