Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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