fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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