So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
