You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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