My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
