You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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