She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
