so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
