I want to make a zoo with you.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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