I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
