I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
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Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
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I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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