I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
