Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
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Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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