And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize