how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
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you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
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Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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