Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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