Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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