I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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