porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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