theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
