finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You have to summon your inner elephant
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
