DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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