Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Holy shit dude........stairs
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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