What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
