I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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