I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize