Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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