Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
