4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
