Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
