this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
