the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
