Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
