LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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