u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
