I looked at my own cervix.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
