All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
