i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize